Who's Your Daddy?
by nightriderbrat
Summary: Jack and Mitchell have more in common than anyone knew. This was the product of watching 200 at 2am.


_Beware to all those that read this! I wrote it at 2am after watching "200" again. I can not be held accountable for anything I wrote!_

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"Do you know how many mission files there are?" Sam questioned Vala, trying to get across that the idea of a movie being based on their mission reports was not only a bad idea but also close to impossible. 

"1263. Hopefully sixty-four by the end of the day." Mitchell answered without a second's hesitation.

"Actually it's 1264 already." Daniel corrected.

"No it's 63. I'm pretty sure I've read all the files recently."

Not missing a beat, Sam filled Mitchell in on the 'forgotten file'. "Actually you haven't read 30185."

"30185? What's that?" He was almost positive he had read _all_ the mission reports. He had practically memorized them before he was even a member of SG-1.

Daniel quickly glanced at Sam, as if asking for permission, before answering. "We can't tell you."

"What do you mean you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind. " He stood up in exasperation. "What is 30185?"

"We were sworn to secrecy." Sam replied.

"Well why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is?"

"Sorry." She smiled apologetically.

"Can you tell me?" Vala asked hopefully. She was always up for a little dirt, especially if it was dirt Mitchell couldn't know about.

"Oh yeah we can tell you." Daniel chimed happily as he turned away from Mitchell like a kinder gardener about to tell a secret.

"It has to do with the time the gate sent us back to 1969." Sam explained.

"Well that can't have anything to do with my. I wasn't born until a year later." Mitchell piped in.

"Actually it was 9 months before he was born."

"What?" Mitchell asked, believing he must have heard Daniel.

Sam tried to play it off. "You have to remember, it was the 60's."

Vala could not believe what she was hearing. With her mouth practically scraping the floor, she whipped her head back and forth, studying the members of SG-1.

Daniel couldn't believe Mitchell had been so clueless. "Come on, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life."

"Jack?…O'Neill?"

Teal'c quietly came to Mitchell's side and spoke for the first time since the beginning of this new discovery. "Indeed."

Sam tried to clarify things. "Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?"

Vala laughed at the 'joke' she was sure Daniel and Sam were pulling. Noticing they weren't laughing she inquired, "Wait. Are you saying that Jack O'Neill is—"

"My daddy?" Mitchell asked in disbelief.

Sam and Daniel looked at each other before nodding at Mitchell. Teal'c stood silently with a small smirk upon his face.

"All starting to make sense now, isn't it?" Daniel questioned.

At that precise moment, Jack came waltzing into the briefing room with arms stretched out wide. "Who's our daddy?!"

Mitchell choked on his breath and gapped at Jack. "Wh—Wha—What?!"

Seeing the obvious confusion on his face, Jack turned to Sam who was trying to hide behind Daniel, who was trying to hide behind Teal'c. "What's going on here? I just came to tell everyone that I got you out of having to 'help' Marty with his movie." He glanced back at Mitchell who was still gaping at him like he'd just witnessed a Goa'uld musical on Broadway. "I ask again, what's going on!?"

Daniel shoved Sam out from behind him, leaving her alone and vulnerable in the middle of the briefing room. Jack peered at her until she finally answered.

"We told Mitchell about file 30185."

"File three zero what?" Jack searched his brain for any recollection of that report.

"File 30185." Seeing the evident confusion on his face she continued, "Remember when we went back to 1969…" she trailed off, hoping he'd get the hint.

Jack's eyes instantly grew five sizes as he snapped his head toward Mitchell's direction.

"So it's true? You're my daddy?" Jack nodded. "Why didn't you tell me? Why—" He stopped as another question popped into his head. He was afraid to hear the answer but curiosity got the best of him. "Who's my mom?

Jack fiddled with his jacket zipper while studying the ceiling. "Hey did they get new ceiling tiles? I like these better than the old ones. They really bring more light into the room."

"Jack!"

"It was just some hippy, Mitchell." He answered, trying to play it off.

Unfortunately for him, his uncharacteristic, matter-of-fact tone alerted Daniel's ears. "You know, Jack, you never did tell us who his mother was."

"Ya know, that's not important. The important thing is that Mitchell knows now." Jack wrapped an arm around the man next to him. "How's my boy?"

Mitchell flung Jack's arm off and leapt away from him. "This is too weird!"

"You're not going to get away with it that easy sir." Sam pointed at Jack.

Seeing there was no way out of it, he took in a deep breath and mumbled, "It was the women we hitchhiked with."

"What? I didn't hear that?"

"It was the women we hitchhiked with." He said a bit louder.

"What?"

"Oh for crying out loud! It was the women we hitchhiked with!"

Now it was Sam's turn to choke on her breath. Mitchell and Vala, not knowing the women they spoke of, studied Sam who was now turning blue from lack of air. Daniel waved his hands over his face while squealing, "EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!" Surprisingly, Teal'c did not react at all.

Finally catching her breath, Sam looked toward Jack, "Are you saying that Mitchell—and I—are—"

"Yep" Jack beamed. "Mitchell, meet your sister." He said, pointing to Sam. Mitchell collapsed into a nearby chair, overwhelmed with all the new discoveries.

"Why do they always get to have all the fun?" Vala murmured.

"But how?" Mitchell asked faintly, ignoring Vala's remark.

"Well, you see, when a man and a women—"

"JACK! That's not what he meant!" Daniel gasped.

"Well he should be more specific next time."

Rolling his eyes, Daniel responded to Mitchell. "When we went back to 1969 we hitchhiked with a hippy women."

"Yeah I read that in the reports."

"What the reports didn't say was that woman was Sam's mother." He paused to let this sink in. "At the time, she was dating a man who worked at the observatory. That's how we got in there to use the telescope."

Mitchell nodded, a distant look on his face. Shock had overcome him and made speech impossible.

"But sir we were busy tracking down the Stargate the whole time. When did you have the time to—you know?" Sam asked uncomfortably. Nothing could get the thought of Jack and her mother out of her head.

He avoided her gaze as he replied, "Remember when Teal'c and I went to the observatory to look at the sun flares?" Sam nodded. "Well we had a lot of extra time."

"So you decided to sleep with my mother?!" Sam had finally overcome the shock and was now angry. How could he do that to her? To her mother?

Jack threw up his hands defensively, "It wasn't like that! And technically she wasn't your mom yet."

"Jack, you're not helping." Daniel warned.

"When T and I finished looking at the flares, T wanted to look around." Seeing the disbelief in Sam's stern face, Jack continued, "You know how much he loves 'seeing the world'. I wanted to use the telescope a little more so I told him to go ahead."

Sam turned her burning glare to Teal'c. "You knew about this?"

"I had no knowledge of General O'Neill's actions. I did indeed go for a walk around the primacies." Teal'c bowed as Jack gave him a soundless _Thank you_.

Although she was skeptical, Sam accepted his answer and returned her fiery stare back to Jack who was trying to sneak out of the room. Mitchell grabbed his jacket and pulled him back in.

"Why my mother?"

Sighing, he unveiled the secret he had kept for so many years. "It was dark and she came back early to pick us up. She thought I was her boyfriend. You know how much alike we look."

"And you went with it?!"

"Well it was the 60's." He kicked himself the instant the words left his mouth. _Idiot!_ He thought. Trying to overshadow his thoughtless comment, he added, "I thought it was you!"

Words escaped her once again.

"She looked just like you."

"But—but what about regulations? Didn't that cross your mind?"

"Yeah they did but you were the one that was always worried about regulations. I figured if you were hitting on me then it must be ok with you. Technically, the regs didn't apply to us back then because we weren't in the military yet. Heck, you weren't even born yet!"

Sam just gapped at him. She couldn't believe what she had just heard.

Jack observed the damage he had just done. Sam was desperately trying to restrain herself from attacking him. Mitchell was clinging onto his last strand of sanity and Daniel, well Daniel as behaving abnormally. He was having an intense, but short, conversation his Teal'c who was showing the slightest amount of excitement. Daniel broke the conversation and rushed to a telephone sitting on a desk next to the wall.

"Daniel, what are you doing?" Jack questioned the archeologist as he quickly dialed the phone and stuck it to his ear.

"Calling Jerry Springer!"

"JERRY SPRINGER!"

"Yeah this stuff is priceless!"

Vala bounced up and down in her chair and clapped her hands together in a child-like manner.

"How do you even know the number?" Jack was surprised at the thought of his quiet, well mannered, nerdy friend being a fan of such an outrageous show.

"Teal'c gave it to me." He said as if it was nothing. Everyone turned to the jaffa standing silently in the corner.

"T? You watch Jerry Springer!"

"Indeed." Teal'c bowed in agreement. "I find it intriguing."

"I learn something new everyday." Mitchell couldn't believe all the things he had just discovered. Jack went back in time, got Sam's mom pregnant with him, and made him and Sam siblings. On top of all of that, Teal'c watches Jerry Springer.

"I never liked his show but he was great on Dancing with the Stars." Sam commented.

"You watch Dancing with the Stars?" Mitchell asked.

Blushing slightly, Sam whispered, "Yeah."

"Why?" was the only thing that came to Jack's mind. That did not seem like the type of show a rough and tough military women would watch.

"What can beat hot men dancing around?"

"Hot men?" Vala's attention had been immediately caught. "Daniel, you've been holding out on me. Why didn't you tell me about the hot men?"

Daniel ignored her as Jack responded, "I didn't think there was just a thing as hot male dancers."

"Oh yeah. Most of the guys on there are. Sometimes the dancers have a bigger fan base than the celebrities." Daniel interrupted as he hung up the phone, frustrated that no one had answered. "Some fans even start HUGE threads and websites dedicated to their favorite dancers."

"Daniel?" Jack asked questionably. "Is there something you need to us?"

"ACK! NO!" He shuddered. "Some friends of mine used to make me watch the show and they'd always go on and on about how hot the dancers were."

"Ok Danny Boy. Whatever you say." He replied as he slowly stepped back and returned his attention to Sam. "Who's your favorite dancer?"

"Oh I don't know."

"Hey, if I had to reveal my deepest, darkest secret the least you can do is tell us your favorite dancer."

"Well he's got an amazing accent and very manly chest." She paused to recall all her favorite attributes. "He's got really nice hair that he slicks back. When he dances, his movements are so smooth it's amazing. He looks great clean shaven or with a little goatee and he always seems to treat this partner really well."

"And his name is?" Jack pushed.

"Is it Nicholas Kosovich?" Daniel inquired.

"Who?" Jack asked, shocked that Daniel not only watched the show but knew the names of the dancers.

"No, it's Maksim Chmerkovskiy."

"Well I guess he's good if you like arrogant dancers." Daniel retorted.

"Hey!"

"Ok kids. I think it's nap time!" Jack jumped in before they had the chance to start a brawl. "Everyone to their designated corners and don't come back until you can talk like adults." He ushered Sam and Daniel out the door.

Mitchell continued to sit in his chair, staring off into the abyss. "That means you too, Mitchell. Off you go." Slowly, he rose to his feet and headed to the door. "Remember, mums the word." He placed a finger over his lips to indicate no one was to speak of the new discoveries that were made that day.

"Don't worry General. I'll take good care of him." Vala said slyly as she followed Mitchell.

The only one left in the room was Teal'c. He glanced at Jack before making his way to the door. "As you would say O'Neill, that was a close one."

"Indeed it was, T! How do you think Carter would have reacted if she found out Daniel and Mitchell are twins?"

"Not well."

"You can say that again!"

Confused as the General's order, Teal'c responded, "Not well."

"No, T. You don't have to—never mind." He laughed to himself as the confused jaffa left the room. Taking one last long look at the device that had started it all, Jack left, hoping to spend the rest of his day with the Simpsons and a stiff drink.

Seeing the coast was clear, Marty came out from his hiding place in General Landry's office. He was going to be rich! No one could say no to a story like this and the best part was he could claim it as his own genius. Who would believe something like that actually happened?

Whistling happily to himself, Marty exited the briefing room and headed for the surface to get started on his big idea.

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_I send a heart felt sorry to my dancer buddies who read this! I blame it all on Rose Stetson!__  
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_For anyone who hasn't seen this episode or would like to watch it again, you can go to youtube. Search "stargate sg1 + 200". It is part 3. The "Mitchell prank" starts at 2:50 minutes. I would post the link but this site isn't allowing me to. Sorry.  
_


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